“Hope is the companion of power, and mother of success; for who so hopes strongly has within him the gift of miracles.”
Samuel Smiles  

BLOOMING FROM THE INSIDE OUT 

“Be like the lotus: trust in the light, grow through the dirt, believe in new beginnings.” 

HEALINGBRAVE.COM 

I love seeing spring flowers erupt from the frozen earth.  All over there are signs of life returning to the frozen tundra.  I marvel at Mother Nature and the brilliant timing of all things.  How do the flowers ‘know’ when to erupt from the frozen earth?  I am a plant-a -holic.  I LOVE plants and flowers in all varieties and colors.  I feel excited to walk into a store and already see planters with pansies and other hearty flowers sharing their bright beautiful colors. 

If you could be a flower, what kind would you be and why?  I would have to be a different one for each season.  Perhaps even for varying landscapes and what grows wild there.  If you think of the growth of a flower, the magic happens from the inside out. 

Are we not like this in so many ways?  Our outside appearance can vary like the changing seasons.  Sometimes we look and feel new and fresh like plants in the spring, other times we are in full bloom with all the depth that summer growth brings, and still, we might be in a place of letting go of the old, slowing down like early fall.  Even still you may be in a winter of sorts in your mind and heart where things feel dark and lonely with no growth in sight. 

Honor where you are now while being aware that like the changing seasons you too can move from this place to the next.  What do you want to bloom in your life?  What would bring you happiness and joy?  Identify that and then take measurable steps, even if they are small in that direction. 

Remember nature does not scold or criticize a wilted leaf or bloom.  Sometimes old things need to fade away for there to be room for the new. I invite you to discover what lights you up from the inside so you can allow your mind and heart to bloom from the inside out allowing your day-to-day experiences to show the beauty of you!  

KIND THOUGHTS 

“There’s no such thing as a small act of kindness.  Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” 

-Scott Adams 

What was the last kind thing you said to yourself?  When was the last time you complimented another?  In a world where news sources and social media platforms often focus on the hard, hurt or destructive parts of humanity it can feel like kindness is in short supply. 

Last year just before this time we entered a new and uncertain territory with a worldwide pandemic.  We had an earthquake that shook things up here in Utah.  Grocery stores were running out of everyday items with toilet paper being at the top of that list.  I am still not sure where it all went? 

Fear & uncertainty were the stronger emotions then with some lingering still.  Many people went into survival mode.  Companies closed doors or had to learn to adapt to new and separated work.  Families were thrown into more together time than they had ever had before, and it was no vacation.  Educators had to change courses and curriculum overnight.  To say it was a hot mess is putting it mildly.  Utah then had a summer with tornado force winds that downed trees and powerlines in many communities.  If all you did was watch the news things looked and felt bleak. 

However, if you went outside people were still helping people.  Cars still stopped to help strangers in a wreck or with a flat tire.  Communities made boards so people could share extra supplies with those who were out.  In stores where quantity limits were set strangers purchased things for the person in line so they could get four things of pasta to feed a large family.  When the trees fell neighbors with chain saws spent hours, even days cutting and clearing trees to help those around them.  Those who found themselves quarantined at home with the virus had food show up on their porch.  All these small and simple acts came from kind thoughts.  From people wanting to help people.   

I honestly believe there is more good than bad.  I believe the kinder we are in our own thoughts towards ourselves and others the more able we are to share kind words and engage in thoughtful interactions that leave others feeling uplifted. 

What kind thoughts can you begin with towards yourself and those you interact with?  How will you be a force for good in your own life and in the lives of those around you? 

WORDEN’S FOUR TASKS OF MOURNING 

“Worden suggests that there are four tasks one must accomplish for “the process of mourning to be completed” and “equilibrium to be reestablished”.  He makes clear these are in no particular order, though there is some natural order in that completion of some tasks presuppose completion of another task.  He acknowledges that people may need to revisit certain tasks over time, that grief is not linear, and that it is difficult to determine a timeline for completing the grief tasks.  What are the tasks, you are probably asking?    Here we go .  

Task One: 

Well, the first task can be both simple and complex.   

On a more complex level, there is accepting the reality of the significance of the loss.   

Another common struggle with this task is around acceptance of the mechanism of the death.  A death by suicide, overdose, or other stigmatized death may present challenges to accomplishing this task if family or friends are unable to acknowledge or accept the reality of how the person died. 

Task Two: 

Ok, I know, I am starting to sound abstract and academic.  Task two is to work through the pain of grief.  This may sound extremely broad because…well, it is!  But that isn’t a bad thing.  Rather than attempting to identify all the emotions of grief that one may experience and need to work through, Worden’s model acknowledges that each person and each loss will mean working through a range of different emotions. 

From sadness, fear, loneliness, despair, hopelessness, and anger to guilt, blame, shame, relief, and countless others, there are many emotions a griever contends with.  What is important in this task is acknowledging, talking about, and understanding these complex emotions in order to work through them.  The danger, of course, is denying one’s feelings and avoiding them.  This tendency can be exacerbated by society’s discomfort with the feelings that accompany grief, so the griever may feel like they shouldn’t feel or acknowledge these difficult emotions. 

Task Three: 

Task three is adjusting to the environment in which the deceased is missing.  Worden acknowledges that this task can also mean very different things to people depending on the relationship of the person who has died, as well as the roles that are impacted by the loss. This readjustment happens over an extended period of time and can require internal adjustments, external adjustments, and spiritual adjustments. 

It may take a significant period of time just to realize the different roles their loved one performed or internal and spiritual adjustments that are required.  This can be especially difficult for widows, who may need to learn a wide array of new skills and tasks, ranging from bill paying, parenting, and taking care of the home, to environmental changes, such as living alone, doing things alone, and redefining the self without the other person. 

Task Four: 

Finally, task four to find an enduring connection with the deceased while embarking on a new life.  Worden re-thought and reworded this last task several times, but this is the wording in the most recent edition of his book.  I have to say that this wording still isn’t working perfectly for me, because though I understand what he is trying to get at, the phrasing “new life” puts me off a bit. 

The gist of task four is this – to find an appropriate, ongoing connection in our emotional lives with the person who has died while allowing us to continue living. Like the other tasks, this can mean varying things to various grievers.  But it often means allowing for thoughts and memories, while beginning to meaningfully engage in things that bring pleasure, new things, or new relationships.” 

Whatsyourgrief.com – Litsa Williams.”

I wish you everything good.  

All my best, 

Genna