DECEMBER 2021 

LIFE | LOVE | LOSS 

“Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding” 

-Albert Einstein 

FIGHTING AS THE PATHWAY TO PEACE  

“We need a warrior’s heart that lets us face our lives directly, our pains and limitations, our joys and possibilities.” – Jack Kornfield 

Well, I know this seems like an odd topic to start a newsletter within the month of December where we will all be given or invited to give, serve, and assist in ways we are not asked too the rest of the year.  While Christmas music plays speaking words of hope, comfort, and peace some will be fighting. 

I am not talking about fist fights or UFC cage matches. I am talking about fighting for mental stability, peace of mind and heart. Battling weight gains or other health concerns. I am talking about those who struggle daily with chronic conditions or terminal diseases and the fight it takes to perform daily tasks.  I am speaking about those fighting with a loss of someone they loved and wanted more time with. 

I recently read a novel by Ava Miles titled, “Beneath Pearly Irish Skies”.  It is a wonderful tale in a series that speaks of loss, love, pain, and heartbreak as well as healing, peace, love and joy.  In the book she writes, “We all get angry.  The trick is to let it out before it hurts you.”  We all have scars.  You don’t always need to know what caused them to heal them.  Love gentleness and attention can be the balm to a wounded mind, heart, or soul. 

We are all dealing with something. Some of it you can see on the outside.  Most of it you can’t.  It takes courage to fight.  It takes an immense amount of heart and resilience to continue to move forward when you are fighting with mental, emotional, financial, and other struggles.  I don’t think it really matters if we are making large strides as much as simple continuous progress.  However, every once in a while, you just need rest.  Take it if you do.  Allow yourself the time and space to be restored.  Sometimes we need outside help to get there.  Good, get the help you need.  Ask for someone else to carry your load with you for a time until your strength returns.  This isn’t weakness or failure; this is bravery and success.  Getting help means you are strong enough to realize you can be more with the assistance of another. 

Fight for peace.  Fight for balance.  Fight for yourself and those you love. Fight for comfort in times of pain.  Fight for strength in times of trial.  Fight for those you have loved and lost.  Give your very best knowing your best is always changing!  We all have warrior hearts. Sometimes it takes some of our greatest challenges for us to even begin to understand how much we really are. 

As my sweet boy loved to say, “You got this!” 

GRIEVING AND THE HOLIDAYS 

“Grief for the living lost aches in the heart’s most hopeful chamber.” 

-Angie Weiland-Crosby 

Here come the holidays!  Ready or not they are upon us. This can be a most joyful wonderful time of the year for some.  For others this can be a hard, lonely, and stressful time of the year.  There is a country song about us all being in the same boat.  I disagree and change the channel whenever it comes on the radio.  Am I the only one who gets frustrated with song lyrics? 

I think we are all in the same storm called life, living with a global pandemic, working on our survival needs so we can move to our wants and desires.  We are all doing this from different boats.  Some are luxury yachts, some small tin ones that you have to row while taking on water.  There is no same boat in my opinion as we are all unique and therefore our lives and how we manage them is vastly different. You add grieving a loss and it can be a lot to navigate.  I have learned that I am a calendar griever.  The holidays present more frequent events to attend that your lost loved one is not here for.  This can cause additional pain. 

When my youngest son at age 15 took his life, we had his never to be 16^th birthday a month later, then moved to November to our first Thanksgiving while we tried to grab onto all we were thankful for in the midst of the raw pain of losing him.  The holidays with Christmas came next.  He wasn’t here to shop for.  He wasn’t at the Christmas Eve dinner table.  We didn’t have to wake him up Christmas morning to come see what Santa brought.  There were no gifts wrapped in his name.  That was hard and empty and felt hollow in so many ways. 

That first Christmas I asked friends and family to write a letter to him so we could put it in his stocking.  We truly enjoyed these.  We learned new things about him hearing about who he was to so many others.  It made us love him more and miss him fiercely.  Juggling joy and pain is tricky any time of the year.  It somehow feels harder to manage during times of expected joy and thanksgiving. 

Below are some helpful tips on self-care for the holidays.  I invite you to read them and then re-read to let them soak in.  You can change traditions.  Add new things, remove some.  You can no celebrate at all.  The real trick is to give yourself permission free from guilt to do what feels best for you and your grief.  It is a personal journey and one you navigate in your own mind and heart no matter your beliefs or holiday activities.  Be honest with yourself and others.  Say things like, “I am feeling really raw and prefer to be alone right now” or “My emotions are running high, and I prefer to grieve, cry or process them in my own space.”  

How do we make peace with grief during the holidays? You get to answer that. I have found peace in giving in Joey’s name over the years since he died. One year I gave to others since he was not here for me to give to him. I found comfort in some of the normal routines of life that brought stability to an unsettled mind and heart. Find what works for you and do that! 

May this month bring you moments of peace, nights of open honest reflection and time to be still. My wish is for all of you to find what your heart longs for even if that means creating it yourself!  

I wish you everything good.  

All my best, 

Genna