FEBRUARY 2022

LIFE | LOVE | LOSS

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

• Buddha

GOALS – PLANNING FOR OBSTACLES

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”

• Henry David Thoreau

Well, how are you doing on your goals and intentions for the new year?  Where are you succeeding?  Where have you perceived failure and therefore stopped moving in the direction of your previous intended outcome?

As humans we are inherently hard on ourselves.  Sometimes downright brutal.  I read something this week that said, “When I really listened to my internal dialogue, I realized what a bully I am to myself.”  As we all know Valentines is the holiday of focus this month.  I love a holiday with the purpose of sharing or expressing love.  Some of us are comfortable sharing love and affection on a regular basis, some are not.  This holiday allows a time to share love to those in our lives.  What about self-love?  We are seeing and hearing more and more about self-care from main media streams.  Self-love is absolutely a part of this!

This week my company hosted an event where Laura Guilmain a beautiful and powerful life coach presented “Healthy Goal Setting: Feel Good on Your Way to Achieving Your Goal”.  I loved some of her thoughts and concepts and have her permission to share them here.  (https://lauraguilmain.com )

She starts by encouraging us all to normalize obstacles.  What a brilliant concept.  Usually in a goal setting situation it is the obstacles that set us back or completely de-rail us.  She asks the question, “How would your life be different if you went towards the obstacles rather than away?”  Read that again and let yourself have time to ponder.  This question alone could help create a powerful shift in how you approach all areas of your life.

Laura goes on to invite us to reframe our mindset to NOT aim for perfection.  She says, “The less you aim for perfection, the more productive you’ll become.”  Those are big words for a recovering perfectionist!  I like to draw inside the lines.  I like things neat and orderly.  How wonderful to create a desired outcome leaning into obstacles and not expecting it to go perfectly!  She suggests setting a goal and then cutting it in half.  If you are motivated by accountability, get a friend or goal buddy, and set regular times to discuss progress and setbacks.  She talks about building up a discomfort tolerance.  This is also a wonderful concept as we usually move AWAY from anything that causes us to be uncomfortable.

Perhaps self-love is something you have never intentionally practiced.  This could be a time for you to set some new goals or intentions in how you love and care for yourself. I invite you to make a commitment this month to love yourself deeper.  To appreciate who you are and who you aren’t.  Praise your good attributes and make goals to edit any places that don’t match loving and accepting yourself.

GRIEF IN A NEW YEAR

“Grief is its own kind of intimacy, a bond of sorts between you and the one you lost.  No one else feels the way you do about the person you loved most.”

• Kennedy Ryan “The Kingmaker”

It is a new year.  Grief came with you through the holidays.  I remember the first New Year’s Eve after my son Joey died.  I watched the world in joyous celebration releasing the old and welcoming the new.  I felt so wrecked, so destroyed to leave a year that he was alive in.  A year where I could touch him, hear him, love him.  All the new years ahead of me would NEVER have him.  It was a heavy, lonely desolate feeling to leave a period of time where he existed and enter one where he never would.

As you can tell I was not a festive party goer that year!  I think this perspective of time and not having the person you lost with you is part of what makes the holidays and new year so difficult for many who are grieving a loss.

I got through that first year and now have had many more with Joey still gone.  I tell myself I got through those; I will get through the rest.  I don’t like it.  Its not something I wanted.  I can ascertain that is true for most people when losing a child, a parent, a spouse, partner, or friend.  All we really want is more.  More time, more memories, more laughs, more hugs!

Grief is a winding road with many twists and turns. It is a path that is as unique as the traveler.  Be kind to yourself and others on this journey.  It does not come with an instruction manual.  Be patient with yourself and those around you while also having safe boundaries.  I encourage you to find ways to lean into the pain, the heartache, the loneliness.  Let yourself be ok when you are not ok.

Ignore the well-meaning people in your life who say things that don’t land well!  There are lots of those and many trigger a fight response in me!  I remember someone telling me Joey was in a better place when he died.  I wanted to shout, “HE WAS FINE HERE AND I WANT TO FEED HIM DINNER TONIGHT!”.  I didn’t say that out loud.  I know the person was trying to offer comfort in the only way they knew how.  So, forgive them, forgive yourself for not knowing how to process.  Learn, grow, make mistakes, learn, and grow some more and make new choices that make you feel good.  Honor the person you have lost by speaking their name.  Doing things they liked, wear their favorite color.  Let them live on through you.  Through your love, adventures, and kind acts.  Donate to something they would enjoy in their name.  Keep them alive with you in the small and simple things.

I have learned on my own grief journeys that there is no true right or wrong way to grieve.  I believe there are healthier and less healthy ways to process the pain of loss.  Some of these ways leave you free and some steal your freedom.  They are not right or wrong, just different.  I invite you to find a new ‘healthier’ way to process your heavy emotions.  Try dancing, art, music, or sound therapy, buy crystals, hug trees, attend a drum circle under a full moon, sit in church, eat new foods, go to acupuncture, get a massage, do energy work, visit new locations.  The key element here is to ‘do’ something that makes you feel good, that bring feelings of peace and happiness even if its just for a short time!

Then add to it!

All my best,

Genna

** SPECIAL OFFER**

We have a special and generous offer to share from an organization called “My Story Matters”.  They are a 501c3 charity organization that promotes healing, inspiring hope and celebrating courage in the lives of those who have lost a child.  They have a donation that will cover the cost of 25 Angel Stories in a hard bound storybook.  See below for more information and contact details.

Our Angel Series is dedicated to children who left this life much too soon. No footprint is too small to leave an impact. My Story Matters storybooks honor the journeys of these precious children, while providing comfort and perspective for families who have lost a child.

If you’d like us to help you record and preserve your angel’s story into a hard bound storybook please click the link below, fill out the nomination form and a My Story Matters representative will contact you within 24-48 hours.

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfc2d2gvEy1zwP6PIU7-5k5ewU3eyl0vUJ6QqBAo9uc2MIxUw/viewform