LIFE | LOVE | LOSS
“Feelings are much like waves, we can’t stop them from coming but we can choose which ones to surf.”
– Jonathan Martensson
THE ESCALATOR OF PAIN
“Flowers grow back even after the harshest winters. You will, too.”
- Jennae Cecelia
Happy February. I love a month with a day to share extra love. Sometimes to fully feel love we have to acknowledge the emotional pain we are feeling. It is a brave and honest thing to be real about where you are, how you feel, and heal the parts of you that need healed. I commend all of you who are doing the work.
Have you lost someone who you loved deeply? Who you thought you couldn’t make it a day without? Have you had to say goodbye to someone who you could not imagine any of your tomorrows without? Have you laid to rest someone who was part of your life for so long you are not sure who you are without them?
If your answer is yes to any of the questions above, you have ridden the escalator of pain. Maybe you are on it right now. No matter if the loss was sudden and unexpected or long and known. The loss of those we care so deeply for causes a pain that is deep and real. We land on an escalator that is moving, dragging us day by day with this new unwelcome guest called the pain of loss. It’s a guest that doesn’t leave, has no personal boundaries and no matter how we might try to hide, fade or fix the pain it still waits. It is uninvited and unwanted yet real and not imagined. Depending upon the type of loss it can carry extra weight.
Losing my son to suicide added a mental pain to the ever-present emotional pain of his death. I couldn’t imagine what would make him not want to make it to his tomorrow’s. I had to put myself on trial. Look at everything I did or didn’t do and ask myself if I could or should have known he was suicidal. Once I could say no to that I started a new trail to see if anything I did, didn’t do, said, left un-said could have in anyway lead to his choice to not being here. That is a brutal painful thing in the middle of the most painful loss of my life. I was judge and jury. It added mental anguish and turmoil that would not cease for months. I wanted it to make sense, and I just couldn’t make it make sense. My mind was spinning. I didn’t find myself guilty of anything that would have lead to his wanting to leave. I wish this verdict brought comfort, it didn’t as he was still gone.
With any loss. No matter what you know or understand, the person you loved is still gone. That hurts. The escalator of pain moves you on it. I learned that if I wanted to get free of this ever-moving path it was going to take effort, intention, mindful steps and clarify of choice in who I wanted to be without him.
So, I asked myself, how did I want to honor his life? How could I give and show my love for him without him here to give that love too? Where could I serve in his name? Who would I be without him? I used these questions to guide me off the escalator of pain. I am clear if I didn’t, I could still be riding it. The pain of loss is real. Shutting down, turning to substances, anger, withdrawing, those are understandable things. Someone could easily do any or all these things and someone could say, “They lost their _____ (spouse, family, child, parent). Whoever it is and it would be understood why they got stuck on the pathway of their pain.
This month has a holiday dedicated to love. I know many focus on the romantic love aspect. I have always liked Valentines to celebrate loving others just to share love! So how can you show love this month for the one you lost? What did they love? My Joey loved pizza, when we go out to eat we give his name. It’s a small silly way we bring him with us as he loved food!
Use love this month to guide you from pain to a purpose that honors love. From a Martina McBride song, “Love is the only house big enough for all the pain in the world.”
Self-Care Tip:
“Nurture yourself like you would anybody else going through something this hard.”
- Unknown
SELF LOVE
This month I invite you to love yourself a little MORE!
What does that look like?
I am not sure what makes you happy? Do MORE of that?
What relaxes you? Make one hour MORE for that!
What makes you laugh? Do a little MORE of that.
Who do you feel the most calm and free around? Spend a little MORE time with them!
I invite you to set aside at least one hour this month (yes MORE is great) just for YOU!
Love on you, buy yourself flowers if they make you smile, light candles when you eat dinner, do the things that make your heart a little lighter!
All my best,
Genna
RESOURCES
988 – National Mental Health Hotline – Talk or Text 24/7
National Alliance on Mental Illness – NAMI www.mani.org/Home
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/988
Crisis Hotlines: Common Hotline Phone Numbers | Eluna Network
Mental Health App’s
Talkspace – Best Overall Therapy App
Calm – Best Mindfulness App
My3 – Three People / Three Distractions / Safety Plan App
Chopra App – Great mindfulness and free meditations
Pride Counseling – Best Queer Mental Health App
Youper – Best Self-Guided Therapy App
Headspace – Best Anxiety App
Visit www.thmemorialfoundation.org or email cristie@thmemorialfoundation.org
THETAHEALING / CHAKRA CLEARING / ORACLE CARD READING
Sessions for all the options above with Genna Thomsen
Call or text 801-598-6517 to schedule your time today!
The Next Adventure 