The hours went by in a blur of hugs, sharing shock and dis belief.  The storm clouds of anguish tightened their hold on our hearts and minds.  We were exhausted and numb and in some ways wanted to hide away pretending this wasn’t happening.  However how do you hide in the face of such an out pouring of love?  We literally were held in the minds, hearts and prayers of so many it was astounding.  Definitely not the life circumstance you want to test how well you are loved or cared for.  Trace called it a “Beautiful Mess” and it was all that and more.

At times we thought we couldn’t talk to one more person yet each new knock at the door brought new embraces of love.  Those coming over for the first time were going through this newly.  They didn’t know we had shared the story, the shock and pain time and time before.  It didn’t get easier with the telling.  Family, friends and strangers alike poured into our hearts and house.

The question repeated itself over and over, WHY?  We could not find any answers.

Then a call from a sweet mom saying that Joey’s friends were planning a candle light vigil in his honor.  I asked what they needed from me.  They said nothing.  I apparently wasn’t so exhausted that I didn’t want to offer feed back so I suggested they try to find a microphone so everyone could hear and share Joey stories!  The vigil was to be held on the spot where he took his life.  That sounded fine over the phone……

When we got in the car and started driving up Bates Canyon it didn’t feel like a good idea any more.  How in the world were we suppose to get out and stand at the very spot where less then 48 earlier Joey pulled the trigger to leave this life.  Would there be a blood stain on the ground, could we handle it if there was?  We hadn’t even seen his body, maybe he isn’t really gone and this is all for nothing.

As we drove further up the hill deep fear flexed its hand in a vice grip around our hearts and minds.  We got to the top and there was a sea of people, so many young people, family, friends, neighbors and strangers too.

Trace, Carlie and I had stood up there Sunday night being told his dead body was behind an ambulance and Sheriff car.  We had yet to see his body so all of this was still dream like….  Carlie said, “Mom, I don’t think I can do this. I can’t get out of this car and face these people.”  I told her she could, that they needed us and we needed them.  I said that they were looking to us as guides to know how to be with this incredible loss.  I said we could go home and lose it after but we needed to suck it up and help everyone who came know we would find a way to get through this together.

The vigil was recorded by Daniel Pacheco who is a dear man, talented photographer and now great friend!  He was with Jon Gossett from Life’s Worth Living Foundation who brought the microphone, donated to Joey’s funeral expenses and offered love and support though we had never met.  The vigil is on You Tube under Joey ‘Chill Dog’ Thomsen.  I invite you to take the time to listen to all the love that was shared that night.

What an amazing evening.  So many people shared memories of Joey.  They spoke of how fun he was, always up for an Adventure!  They talked about his kindness, how he said hi to someone new, sat by someone sitting alone, how his genuine smile made them feel special.  More then a handful said Joey was their best friend and it was true.  He really loved and cared for so many.  A woman spoke sharing she didn’t know us or even Joey’s name but he came into the store where she worked and bought food all the time!  She said he was always friendly and had an easy  smile.

Patrick (Dallas’ Dad) who beat us up the hill Sunday night and knew right where Joey’s body was came back sometime after the police had cleared the scene.  He cleaned the ground and got rid of all traces of blood.  this selfless act touched our hearts in a very deep and profound way.  Thank you!

When the night ended with the train going by, more hugs were given, our hearts felt lighter from the love and light that was brought to a place that could have held darkness.  Patrick took us to the exact spot, candles were lit.  We sat for a moment being with the location our son took his last breath.  In all honesty it is a really peaceful spot with a beautiful view of the valley and lake.  It was awesome to have the train go by at the end of the vigil.

I can say for sure Joey isn’t gone because he wasn’t loved.