LIFE | LOVE | LOSS

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.”

Brene Brown

 

LOVING OURSELVES

Its Valentines this month.  This holiday can bring mixed feelings.  I absolutely LOVE the concept of a designated day to express extra love and affection to those in our lives.  I know Valentines is super commercial and geared towards romantic love.  Let’s broaden it this month to love in general.  Let’s look for and create ways to love ourselves, love what we are doing, who we are with, where we are going.  If all of these suggestions are making you twitch because you don’t even like most of the things I mentioned, then start where something isn’t working.  What can be done?  What needs to be said or resolved?

I don’t know what self-love looks like for you.  For me I have fallen in and out of love with different parts of myself many many times.  Sometimes I am more in a place of passive acceptance or acknowledgement more then actual love.  I am not sure why it seems so much easier to freely and openly love other people and things more than ourselves, it just does.

So, with the extra focus on loving something or someone this month I invite you to put yourself on the list!  Fall deeply in love with all you are all you’re not.  I understand the latter is easier to say then ‘do’.  Below are some tips from Lousie L Hay to promote increased self-love.

1. Stop All Criticism

Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive

 

2. Forgive Yourself

Let the past go. You did the best you could at the time with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that you had. Now you are growing and changing, and you will live life differently.

 

3. Don’t Scare Yourself

Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It’s a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure, and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

 

4. Be Gentle and Kind and Patient

Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.

 

5. Be Kind to Your Mind

Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.

 

6. Praise Yourself

Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

 

7. Support Yourself

Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

 

8. Be Loving to Your Negatives

Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So lovingly release the old negative patterns.

 

9. Take Care of Your Body

Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need in order to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise do you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.

 

10. Do Mirror Work

Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself while looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents while looking into the mirror. Forgive them, too. At least once a day, say, I love you, I really love you!

 

11. Love Yourself . . . Do It Now

Don’t wait until you get well, or lose the weight, or get the new job, or find the new relationship. Begin now—and do the best you can.

 

12. Have Fun

Remember the things that gave you joy as a child. Incorporate them into your life now. Find a way to have fun with everything you do. Let yourself express the joy of living. Smile. Laugh. Rejoice, and the Universe rejoices with you!

 

 

FIGHTING

Now after all this love talk, I know this sounds like it’s an opposite concept.  Before you get the wrong idea about this let’s chat about fighting.

I am a strong minded, direct opinionated lady.  I am very comfortable speaking my mind or telling others what to do.  I honestly came this way!  I love my family and country.  I am grateful for the freedoms I enjoy and understand the price that has and is being paid for them.  I pray for peace.  I seek resolutions when problems arise.  I don’t enjoy confrontations, nor will I back down if one arises.  I know how to have tough conversations and end them with love and acceptance.

No matter if you are open and direct or prefer to be reserved when it comes to sharing your thoughts and feelings we all have to fight sometimes.

Early in our lives many of us fought our parents.  We fought against their views, beliefs or rules that didn’t match our own.  We grew into young adults and needed to fight to understand ourselves, our swirling thoughts about life, love, school and who we ‘should’ be.  Then we had to figure out who we were going to be as a ‘grown up’.  This often came with other internal fights against what our parents, family or friends thought would be the next best steps compared to our individual thoughts and feelings.  There is a lot of room for turmoil in this space alone.

Then for me it was a new fight to love and be loved.  Inside of this I realized I needed to fight mental and emotional scars from childhood and being raised in an abusive home.  I had to fight for my own peace and balance.  Then it was a fight to provide for myself and daughter Carlie as a single mom.  I had many financial fights working to make ends meet.

When Trace and I got married it was a new fight to blend lives to strengthen and deepen love and understanding.  I learned new things about acceptance and compromise.  Trace walked into a wife and child overnight which took some adjusting on all our parts.  This has been and is still one of the most rewarding fights of my life.  Being in a serious committed relationship takes effort, patience, forgiveness, respect and loyalty.  We have been married for 22 plus years now and have had way more good times than bad.  I can honestly say we truly enjoy being together.  Any ‘real’ fights have happened with an underlining desire to make us work.  Being happily married is worth all the effort or ‘fight’ needed.  I am so deeply grateful for the love and friendship Trace and I share.  It is one of life’s greatest gifts to me!

I have had to and am still fighting through the physical effects of toxic mold exposure.  I spent years so painfully ill I prayed and pleaded to be free of the pain and illness.  I am so much better than I was and yet still struggle everyday with various issues often leaving me barely able to function.  I keep fighting for my own healing and physical wellness.  I am worth it, so are you!

Now just over two years since my sweet Joey chose to take his life, I find myself in a different kind of fight.  I am fighting through and inside of grief and pain deeper than I have ever felt.  I am fighting to find balance in the despair over what I lost while feeling gratitude for all I DO have.  I am fighting to learn what my life looks like now without my baby, without a child who still needed ‘raising’.  I am fighting to appreciate having new time and money freedoms.  I am fighting to support Trace, Carlie and TJ inside their own journeys of grief in losing Joey.  I am fighting for Joey’s friends, for their peace and lasting balance.

So, I will continue to fight!  I seek peace.  I look for light in the dark thoughts and feelings that come. I gather love for myself and others.  I will keep living, loving and giving as I know Joey would want me to do.

I invite you to keep fighting.  Even when you’re tired.  Even when it feels like it isn’t worth it.  Even when you think it doesn’t matter.  FIGHT!

Life is precious!

Time is short.

Love is real!

I wish you everything good.

All my best,

Genna