“Every exit is an entry somewhere else.”
Tom Stoppard  

WAKING UP 

“When you awaken love and laughter in your life, your mind lets go of fear and anxiety, and your happy spirit becomes the healing balm that transforms every aspect of your human experience.” 

Bilal Zahoor 

As we begin to exit winter and inch ever closer to Spring, I feel a renewal or awakening of the earth.  Some of my perennials already have some green on them.  I heard birds chirping outside today.  I felt a wonderful sense of renewal as we begin entry into a new season.  

There are many mentions of awakening, of being mindful, living only in the now.  I love the way all these things sound.  How do we accomplish even a measure of this? 

I think the answer is unique to each of us and where we are currently on our own unique mental, emotional, physical, financial and grief journeys.  Ask yourself what makes you feel most alive?  What gives you the giggles?  What excites you?  Is there a topic you could speak on for more than twenty minutes easily?  There is great power in feeling good.  Our internal dialogues and how we feel about ourselves and our outside world plays a key role in our own awakening in peace and strength.   

Perhaps all that is needed to be more aware, and present is to ‘do’ a little less!  I know the world puts great importance on being productive, setting and reaching new goals.  I wonder if what is missing in some of these pursuits is time to just be still.  What would that look like in your life?  What if every day you took one hour, 1/24 of your time just for you?  What would take place in this hour?  I invite you to give time and attention to your own wellness inside and out.  If an hour seems too long, start with 15 minutes a day of you time, then increase this until you are taking a full hour for yourself. 

I invite you all to create windows of time where you take a digital detox turning off all screens and connecting.  This alone could deepen your connection with yourself.  Doing simple breath work in silence can be very balancing.  Connect with those you share space with.  Ask what their favorite things are.  If you are in a relationship, ask the person how you can love them more.  You might be surprised by the answer and the simple ways you are able to deepen your connection to them. 

I know that when we shift our awareness by paying attention to our feelings, our thoughts, our internal knowing we will be able to allow deeper and stronger levels of peace and contentment to emerge.  Doing this can allow a new alignment of strength and hope in our minds and hearts. 

LEARNING TO LOVE AGAIN 

“I promise to find hope through the heartache, to find joy through the sadness, to find strength through incredible weakness, to love even when it’s hard, to live freely and bravely, even when I’m scared to make the most of my days….to live in a way that would make you proud.” 

-The Unfinished Chapter 

We all have or will experience loss.  For all the losses we may experience they are all unique in that the person who is now gone had a role in our life and journey unlike any others.  Whether you have lost a grandparent, parent, sibling, child, spouse, partner, friend, or other acquaintance there is a measure of grief and pain associated with each loss.

Some would say the depth of your pain is equal to the strength of your love for the person who is now gone.  I get that.  There is some truth in those words in my heart.  The circumstance of the loss also impacts the pain related to it in my opinion.  Losses that you see or know are coming are felt differently than those that are sudden and unexpected. 

When my grandma who was almost ninety died after struggling with some illnesses her loss felt different than the sudden loss of my fifteen-year-old son.  I have witnessed families watching a child die slow of a childhood cancer.  This loss carries a unique weight to it.  I have watched other people lose a spouse suddenly.  This brings an entirely new and unwanted level of pain and processing. 

I have read a lot about mourning and grief.  I wanted to learn how to process my own pains in a way that left me the most whole.  I began to think of my mind and heart as a great mosaic.  A lot of pieces have been shattered by time, tragedy, and timely losses like my grandma.  There are pieces that I know I can put back together in a new and purposeful way to honor those who I did have the chance to know and love.  

One statement that always seems to ruffle my feathers is “it’s time to move on or its time to let go.”  I do not agree.  I do not think you ever move on from some of the losses you experience.  I do not think you ever let go of the person who is no longer here with you.  They are and were a part of you.  A part of your story and a part of your life’s path.  Time and death do not change that.  I for one will never get over my youngest boy walking out of our house with his long board, backpack with an ‘love you, bye’ to never return.  I will never let go of not knowing he was at risk, that he needed help.  This event altered the very fabric of my life.  It changed me.  His death impacted how I think, feel, and view things going forward. Loving him made me more of who I am.  I want losing him to also make me more.  That takes effort. 

So how do we learn to love again?  How do we let peace become stronger than pain?  How do we allow laughter and joy to seep into the cracks of our broken hearts?  How do we move forward inside the pain and emptiness that can take hold of us? 

Well, one breath at a time, one hour at a time, one day and then one week at a time.  What I think is most important is to choose and know you can move forward without moving on.  That you can find ways to include the person or people you lost to honor your love for them.  Its messy and heart wrenching work, the words are easy to write. The experiencing and processing the pain to get yourself to a new place where laughter and peace can be restored takes effort and time. 

Wear their favorite color.  Go to places you had fun memories with them or somewhere new.  Speak their name.  Talk about them with those you feel safe with.  Laugh and cry about the times you shared.  Donate or serve in their honor.  I believe all these simple things will help you learn to love again.  Learn to love this life even though they are no longer here with you.  If you have lost a spouse, you may come to a place to allow love to make room for more.  The journey is yours; you get to define how it goes.  I encourage you to define it in a way that brings hope and honors the love unspent that you have for the person or people you have lost.  My greatest wish is for everyone to know they do have strength enough to deal well with all the burdens of life and loss. 

I wish you everything good.  

All my best, 

Genna