JANUARY 2021

LIFE | LOVE | LOSS

“I love beginnings. If I were in charge of calendars, every day would be January 1.”– Jerry Spinelli

NEW BEGINNINGS

“And suddenly you just know it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.” –Meister Eckhart

Well, here we are at the dawn of a new year.  Gym memberships will likely skyrocket, Tupperware sales will spike, new resolutions for a different often more balanced way of living will be embarked upon. 

Each new year since I lost my son starts with a sting.  I am reminded that I stand before more time that he will not be a part of.  The first New Year’s after he passed was so hard.  I did not want to leave a year where he was here, home, sleeping under my roof, eating dinner at my table.  All the posts and celebrations of a new start rang empty in my mind and heart as I left behind the last year he was on earth.  I was so incredibly sad to enter a new time where he would not go to school, get his driver’s license, go on a date, attend Jr. Prom.  All the could and should have been’s played through my mind and heart like an old record needle scratching the vinyl.  If I could have stayed in a year when he was here, I would have.

As we know that is not how time works.  That is not how life or loss goes.  So, the ball dropped, the songs were sung, kisses were shared, and a new year sprang forth despite my aching heart.  That was three years past now as we stand in yet another new beginning.  2020 was a year many look forward to leaving behind.  It was a tough and insightful one on so many levels.

What does a new year look like for you?  Are you a resolution or goal person?  Do you have big plans for life changes this year?  Or are you just glad you got through what you just did so survival is still the name of the game?

No matter your current location mentally, emotionally, financially, or physically a new year is here, what will you do with it?

What has your heart longed for?

Is there something in the back of your mind that you have always wanted to do?

Is there somewhere you have always wanted to see?  (Maybe a virtual tour or visiting through books or pictures will work best!)

I invite you to take a step in that direction.  Move one inch closer to your heart’s desire, to a new job, a new hobby or relationship.  What will you need to release to make this step?  Letting go can be difficult.  We often like things the way they are even if they are not ideal.  A comfortable miserable still holds familiarity.  I dare you to meet your hearts longing in the days, weeks, and months to come. (The Invitation poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer is one of my favorites if you don’t’ know it I encourage you to look it up!)

If you have lost someone important in your life, what can you do in 2021 to honor your love for them?  What practice or reminder will you create to keep them present in your new adventures? 

Find something that feels good to you.  It could be wearing their favorite color, taking a trip to somewhere they always wanted to go, talking about them, speaking their name, lighting a candle in their memory. 

It can be something simple and small.  The gesture itself is of less importance than the healing love that can be felt by keeping them alive in your mind and heart.

A CLEAN SLATE

“Never be afraid to start over it’s a chance to rebuild what you want.  It’s a chance to start over, to start with a clean slate.” – Simple Reminders.com

Standing at the beginning of a new year, the slate has no writing upon it.  What will this year hold?  What will you look back on a year from now and marvel at the beauty and strength of?  What will make you cringe or feel glad that it is past?  I do not know those answers any more than you do right now.

So, where do we begin in the process of creation?  How do we ‘make’ this year be one that leaves us content if not happy with who we are, what we did, how we felt?

As the saying goes each journey begins with the first step!  I want to have more fun this year.  I am not exactly sure what that looks like yet.  I have spent much if not the majority of my adult life doing what needed to be done, taking care of myself and others with working hard to meet all my responsibilities as a focus.  I have a great sense of humor and often laugh at myself and life however I do not often engage in activities that are fun just for the sake of it.  Relaxing is not something I have had or made much time for. 

So, I may start simple with a coloring book and markers.  Perhaps I will add some play dough and let my mind wander as my hands get lost in the soft textures.  I will keep this intention in my mind and heart as I move through the days and weeks to come.

What new things will you engage it?  Will they be simple or complex?  Whatever your answer is I invite you to move into this year with your mind and heart open to the field of all possibilities where you get to write on the canvas of your soul engaging with the things and people who bring you peace, kindness, joy, and laughter!

YOU

“Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.”

 – Katie Reed

You are the only YOU there will ever be.  For this reason alone, taking really good care of yourself is of paramount importance.  The holidays can be a time filled with joy and wonder or they can be really hard.

January in Utah is cold and dark.  Spending more time alone due to pandemic and other issues can make this a depressing and isolating time of year.  If you are new into a recent loss it can feel even heavier or darker.  I get that.

First, when it comes to loss and grief, I strongly believe it a unique and personal process.  No one else was who you were to the person who is gone.  So, in that way no one else fully knows the extent of the relationship you shared and lost.

One thing I learned in suddenly losing my son was grieving takes on many forms.  I came to appreciate there is not a wrong or right way to grieve or mourn.  I learned there are healthier and less healthy ways.  I often get calls when someone knows of a mom who has lost a child.  They ask me to reach out, share thoughts of comfort or strength.  Most people who know me would say I am rarely if ever at a loss for words.  I am at a loss in these moments as when your baby is first gone there are not enough letters in all the alphabets on the planet to make it feel better. It hurts BAD, let it.  This is true for the loss of a parent, spouse, dear friend, or other family member. 

Losing those we care most for hurts.  Time and effort inside the healing process can change and ease this pain.  You will find a time when you will not be as raw, time when you will not tear up so quickly.  It will come when it will on your own journey.

In the meantime, you still need to care for you.  Perhaps ever MORE when grieving.  Let me be your mom for a minute. 

• Drink more water
• Sleep a little more
• Watch a funny video or read jokes to make you laugh
• Eat things grown in sunlight
• Hold hands / Snuggle with someone
• Sit in a window where the sun streams in – be a like a cat!

Below are some other ideas for self-care practices for your body, mind, and heart.  Add your own.  Make sure your own wellness is a priority.  If you are not your best, then you do not have your best to share with those you love.  I have a sticky note on my computer monitor that says.

Believe in myself

Be curious

Stay active

Build Meaningful relationships

Live with passion

Never stop learning!

These are things I work on all the time.  They aide in my own self-care and overall wellbeing.  Find or make your own list of what matters most to you.

Inhale the future, Exhale the past!

I wish you everything good today and in the new year to come.

Stay healthy, happy, and safe!

All my best,

Genna